A Series of Unserious Events
by Mr. Neptune
Summary: To be perfectly honest, this has no central plot. Eh, just some random year at hogwarts i suppose. Enjoy, or not. All flames will be ignored more than likely laughed at.
1. Ominous Opening

**Disclaimer: Lets get this part done and out of the way. I don't own Harry Potter, if I did, I would be a sick person. J.K. Rowling owns everyone (and I mean everyone, you just don't know it yet) and can do whatever she pleases with us and them**.

_**Anyhoo!**_

_**Those who know and read my stuff (which is probably a special few) will know that I have only written humor stuff thus far.**_

_**Well, the only thing I do know how to do is Humor/Parody, that kind of crap. But lets a see what it's a like when I try to write a tragedy.**_

_**This is inspired by David! (As if anyone knows who the crap he is...) Well, he's just some senior I know in my ALC (American literature composition) class.**_

_**Let's give it a shot...**_

_Let's see...the setting is...um...how about a rainy day?_

_Um...Yeah, it's like...depressing and stuff...and of course, there is lightning...dramatic effect...OH, I forgot! Cue the eerie music!_

_Someone appears on the horizon!_

_Who could it be.../&!_

_Who else, it's a friggen Harry friggen Potter!_

Harry: It's a me! Harry!

_Oh, wait...this is a tragedy..._

Harry: Um...tis I...Harry James Potter...

_There we go, now...what is happening during this rainy bad day? Hmmm, I guess someone died...that kind of stuff is sad...I think..._

Harry: Oh no! Someone died! It was...um...

_"Uh", is right! Who should be dead? How about Sirius?_

Readers: But Sirius is already dead!

_True, but not in this story! Right, Harry?_

Harry: Right...it all started when...

**(Insert flashback. Mystic music cues.)**

It's dark and blue! In the Department of Mysteries!

Harry: Sirius! Noooooo!

But it was too late...he had fallen behind the veil...but just then, he jumped out with a look of glee upon his face.

Sirius: Gotcha! You've been punk'd!

Harry: Oh, that silly Sirius.

And everyone laughed...then Voldemort came and tried to kill them all and um...uh...Sirius ran away, and so did big bad voldy. And...they all lived happily ever after?

Sure that works...

**(End flashback)**

_Except they didn't live happily ever after...because Big Bad Voldy is still alive and liven large!_

_SO...who should be dead?_

_How about McGonagall?_

Harry: (staring down into her eyes in the rain) who could've done this to you!

McGonagall: No one. I died cause I'm like...a billion years old. I have an old crackly voice and flabby wrinkled skin...and...yeahhhh...well, you get the point.

Harry: (never one to believe the truth!) Nonsense! Preposterous! Hogwash! What do you speak of! Clearly you've been attacked!

McGonagall: By my dying heart! Not to mention dying lungs, kidneys, liver, and...well, you get the second point.

Harry: (looking into space) no matter what, I will destroy whoever or whatevercould have done this! This unjusticingness (un-justice-ing-ness) must end!

McGonagall: (cough, cough, hack ,BIGGER hack..).

Harry: Ewwww, cover you're mouth at least!

McGonagall: Oh, Harry, soon you'll understand! You were a horrible student! Not to mention bad at spelling. Anyway, I am dying.

Harry: I'll avenge you!

McGonagall: Oh, stop! It's my entire fault for attempting to walk to the St. Mungo's in my bad condition. The bones in my legs withered away from so much stress and pain. And my muscle and veins and...yeah, i should probably stop talking now.

Harry: (busy counting his toes) What? Sorry? Did you say something?

McGonagall: HACK ,cough ,Hack!...**(akward silence)**

Harry: Gasp! She's died! NOOooooooooooooooOOOooooooooooo!

McGonagall: I'm not dead yet! Final hack! now...i am...**(dies)**

Harry:...are you sure**?...(and there was silence)...**oh yeah! NOoooooooooOOOOo!

**So something apparently has attacked McGonagall! Either that or she just has bad...everything...so anyway, Will Harry avenge McGonagall? Is McGonagall really dead? Did anyone even bother reading this?**

**Well, wait for the next chapter to find out...actually, never mind, since all this is random, we (including myself) don't even know what's a gonna happen next.**


	2. Random Fight Scene

**Okay, let's point out that I'm lazy.**

Hermione: You are a lazy person!

**Who else could've told me off but the brilliant Hermione...who shall suffer in a later chapter...make sure I don't forget...bweh heh heh...ANYHOO**

**On to bigger things!**

Hagrid: I'm not amused.

**Sigh, what I meant was that it's time for another chapter...obviously...okay, McGonagall randomly died. That was the opener...um, now for the random fight scene...it's dark and gloomy in an alleyway of darkness!**

**Who is fighting who? Does it matter? Of course not, because all we care about is the violence. ("YAY violence!").**

**So, who do we have here? Mundungus? **

Fletcher: Oy!

**Shouldn't you be off stealing purses from old ladies or something of that nature?**

Fletcher: grunt I dunno...

: As bright as ever...

**A mystery person? Well, duh, the repeated '?' was clue eh? Er, I mean, who could it be? Well, the only person that was violent towards Fletcher. Its Mrs. Figg! (Well, I suppose Harry wants to kill him too, but it was my original plan that it'd be Figgy, but we all know that Harry wants a piece of him too. We've all read HBP have we not?)**

**Okay, enough of the author rants.**

Figgy: Like I said in the last book, I'm going to KILL you Mundungus Fletcher!

**And we know it's true, because the word 'kill' is in caps. She means business.**

Fletcher?...uh...help?

**And suddenly Figgy died of a heart attack. Random? Well of course it's random! I'm not going to waste my time trying to write an alleyway fight between some old lady and a drunken thief.**

Random Witness: oh no! what now?

**But Mundungus wasn't paying attention, due to taking advantage of the now dead Mrs. Figg by stealing her possessions...including her cats?**

Fletcher: Several of them!

**Sigh, but not to worry. Our protagonist will return and shall smite him his vengeance. **

**But due to a lack of time (not to mention effort) i'll be ending this chapter...with this...uh...um...wait! i got it! Um...ah never mind, just read the next bloody chapter whenever the crap i write it...oh, props to Tommy who suggested i use the word 'smite'. **

**(yay, David and Tommy!)**


	3. The Trio We All Love

**So, we randomly join our hero, Harry flippin Potter...oh, wait, his middle name is james, not 'flippin'...**

**Anyhoo, Harry is with Ron at the moment. **

"Poor, Poor Ron," Harry said sadly.

"What? Because i never get the attention, i'm a sidekick, and we all know that i'm going to end up dying?" Ron questioned angrilly.

"No, i was referring to your financial situation," Harry laughed, "Heh heh, you're poor."

"You prick," Ron groaned.

**At this point Hermione appears out of nowhere. **

"Holy crap, where'd you come from?" Ron asked stupidly, "Did you apparate?"

"You know, I'm going to knife you one of these days," Hermione replied viciously.

**Ah, don't we love these three people? Poor, stoned Ron. Clever, boring Hermione. And of course Brave, Emo Harry.**

"What the crap do you mean, emo?" Harry raged.

**flashback to Harry in a dark room. Harry is currently listening to rock while cutting his wrists.**

**Harry: Only Green Day understands me!**

**end flashback.**

**The trio we all love.**

"Um, didn't McGonagall just die, Harry?" Ron asked.

"Shut up, poor person!" Harry roared.

**At this point, i've decided that this will be Harry, Ron, and Hermione's 7th year part 2!**

Reader(s): What the crap?

**It means that the three were held back, just so this story would have some sort of a plot. I mean if i has more of a plot than Napolean Dynamite, i'm satisfied. And that shouldn't be hard.**

"lets make our way to the platform!" Hermione smiled.

"Did you have enough to pay for your ticket ron-ron?" Harry asked.

"I hate you," Ron mumbled.

**And that's all i feel like typing for today, so come next chapter whenever. **


	4. GoF Fun Referrences

**Back for another chapter, eh? Eh, only one person reads this utter crap. (And I mean that in a good way!) Props to the 'one' person!**

**First, I should probably make apologies from the last chapter...I apologize to Green Day, and anyone who likes them, emo people, poor people, people who cut themselves, or people who hate this fic. (just kidding, if you hate this fic, screw you. Read something else.)**

**Hmm, what can this chapter be about? I think I'll make references to the 4th HP movie...**

"Holy crap, I have freakishly long hair now!" Harry smiled.

"Not as long as mine," grumbled an orange mop next to Harry.

**It took Harry a few moments to realize that it was only Ron. **

"Double holy crap, Ron, is that you?" Harry asked, trying to look for his friends face through the hair.

"Yeah, I'm in here...somewhere..." Ron mumbled.

After several minutes of searching with his hand, Harry touched a nose. (or so i hoped it was his nose and nothing more). Harry pushed hair out of the way to reveal a sulky face with bloodshot eyes.

"Wah! Mega holy crap!" Harry screamed in horror.

"Wha?" Ron slurred.

"What's the crap is wrong with you?" Harry asked his mop-like friend.

"I dunno...uh...what's with YOU saying 'crap' in every sentence so far?" Ron countered.

"Never mind that," Harry sighed.

It was then when Harry had concluded that his friend had became pot smoking, drug loving, long haired hippie.

"You're a pot smoking, drug loving, long haired hippie," said Harry.

Suddenly, a very young pretty looking girl around their age appeared out of nowhere!

"Hello!" she smiled brightly.

"Um...hello?" Harry said reluctantly to the girl he didn't know.

"Wha?" Ron slurred.

"Silly Harry, its me! Hermione! Silly Ron, you're on drugs," Hermione laughed.

"Triple holy crap, you're right! But what happened to your big teeth, cleverness, and psycho chick hairstyle?" Harry inquired.

"I don't know WHAT you're talking about," Hermione replied coldly.

At this particular moment, and older man with long pale blond hair appeared.

"Well, look? It's P-p-p-pathetic P-p-p-potter!" he stuttered.

"Ewww," Hermione groaned wiping spit off of her.

"Malfoy?" Harry said, stunned, "Holy crap, you look like you're fricken 21 or something!"

"You just wish you could look as manly as me!" Malfoy grinned strangely, "You and your poor friend here."

"Wha?" Ron slurred.

**Oh those silly kids. What will happen next? I've decided that since not many people read this i'll shorten chapters...(ya, as if they arent' short enough).**


	5. More GoF Referrences

**Woot, another chapter of utter crap...**

**Let's see...I know, more GoF fun!**

**Suddenly, a large man makes his way towards our hero, the pretty girl and the mop. The manly man, Draco, ran away. **

**Draco Run**

**See Draco Run**

**Run Draco Run**

**Draco Ran Away**

**Draco sucks**

"You know what we need?" Harry asked the mop.

"Wha?" Ron slurred.

"A rocked out version of "Weasley is Our King"," Harry grinned.

"I'd hit you if I could see properly," Ron grumbled from within the orange mass of what we all hope is just hair.

"Oh don't mind him; he's just too poor to afford a haircut!" Hermione smiled to the readers.

**Anyhoo, the big man arrives. It's Mad-Eyes Grizzly man! Er, i mean, Mad-Eye Moody.**

"Hello, Harry. I'm horribly scarred; I have a dark, deep, but awesome Irish voice, I have a Gi-normous walking stick, and a crazy plastic eye! But don't worry, I'm not _evil_ or anything," Moody smiled, scarring the little children.

Ron, who couldn't see anything just said, "Wha?"

"How'd you get that eye anyway?" Harry asks stupidly.

"I lost it in the war so I got a bit creative! Ah, the wonders of plastic and glue!"

"I'll say!" Hermione smiled, and left before anyone could figure out what she meant.

"I have noticed she can't stand up straight anymore...anyway..." Harry mused to himself.

**Moody begins to stomp away, but trips on his wooded leg and remains on the floor.**

"Argh, help me!" Moody panicked.

"Ah! What do we do!" Harry gasped.

"Eh, just leave him there, he'll give up in a few seconds," said Dumbledore as he approached them.

**And sure enough, after a few sad attempts and a lot of wiggling, Moody eventually fell asleep. **

"Weird," Ron muttered.

**Just so everyone knows, I seriously do not like the new Dumbledore, the old one was superior by far. The new one has a weird voice, and is crazy.**

"Dreams take us to mountains, and waters of rives and the deepest ocean, time is important, make haste, 3 turns should do, and blah blah blah," Dumbledore began to rant.

"Sigh, how long will this take?" asked the mop.

"Don't worry! If I know Dumbledore, he'll fall asleep..." Harry smiled idiotically.

**And sure enough, again, Dumbledore slowly fell the ground, still rambling, but slowly and quietly falling asleep next to Moody.**

**Ron and Harry just shrug and walk away.**


End file.
